SYTYCW: Gamer Life – 2nd Place Pt 1

Come read KSI Squeaks’ submission for SYTYCW: Gamer life here!

Gamer Life – February 2017

For the month of February, we asked our fellow gamers to tell us the story that got them into gaming. We had an excellent turnout, so it was difficult to pick a winner. Heck, second and third place were a tie. Thank you to everyone who participated! All of those posts were fun to read.

Here is one of our 2 second place winners submissions now!

Our Tied 2nd Place Winner

KSI Squeaks

The Game That Started It All

Alright, so I found my Battle Tanx: Global Assault game for the Nintendo 64 (yes, the very game I ‘stole’ from Blockbuster) the other day in my bedroom closet, looking pretty dirty, pretty rough; its got prison tattoos, it’s smoking a cigarette down there, like “hey, hey… remember me butthole? Ya, what happened, what happened to us?”

And it still works. You believe that, it still works!? It’s 241 years old. I’ve been using it as a book-marker for the past 10 years. Meanwhile, if I look at my PlayStation game disc the wrong way and it develops a crack. Not saying that it’s not perfect. The things gonna work when it wants to.

I mean everybody’s got their own tricks; oh, blow in it, give it a back rub, take it out on a date… maybe that’ll work. And once you do get the damn thing to work everybody’s gotta calm the hell down because nothing is volatile; ya make one wrong move, you fart too loud that damn thing will turn into the Matrix. You know, glitch and you’ll have to start over.

That’s why if I got remotely far in the game I’d lose my mind, “Hey, everybody just calm the heck down. Uncle Philldo, sit your butt down before you screw up this game. I’m on the 15th mission, Assault on SF, goddamn and I’ll never get this damn far… Oh goddamnit!!! I hate you uncle Philldo.” And damn was this video game hard, I don’t even remember having fun.

I remember constantly dying and failing every time I possibly could… Half of the time, it was for lame reasons too. Yeah, what a fun time… No wonder why I’d rip the cartridge out of the damn console while it was still running and throw it at my brother.

We had a whole generation of 9 year olds having a mental breakdown because they can’t drive the ‘Goliath’ tank for more than 4 seconds without getting blown up. On paper, it seemed like the easiest game in the world. You know on paper its like – Okay that’s your tank and go to the objective and blow up anything that gets in your way and win, you have 4 buttons to press, go do it.

Take any kid off the street now and put him in front of that game watch them rip the damn hair outta their head. “Where are the checkpoints at?” Well, we got no checkpoints – you gotta play all night, you get your butt beat, you skip school the next day, you play all damn day, you have a mental breakdown and you finally beat Cassandra, the final boss. Don’t look at me… that’s how you do it, send the instructions, I don’t know what to say.

So, I think I’ll just keep the game in there, in the closet, keep it for my kids and use it for punishment. “You play this damn game until your nose bleeds and you have a seizure, okay!? After this, we’ll see if you wanna kick your sister in the shin again.”


The final winner will be announced only 24 hours from now.

Please make sure to go participate in the next So You Think You Can Write competition, Dream Character! If you could be any character from any game, who would it be and why?

Tell us here!

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