For this article, I have one simple question for each respondent.
“What is the largest animal you think you could defeat in battle?” No man-made weapons, no other advantage. You have to defeat some animal in hand-to-hand combat. How large can you go?
KSI AIRBORNE 7
The reason we’re on the top of the food chain is because of our brain, not because our scrawny butts could fight everything. There’s like dogs and cats, but they could bite or scratch you up. Then you start looking into some bigger things – some bears aren’t huge, but they’re still strong. I’m thinking something dog-sized.
Probably a panda. I’m not going to say a bear because it will freaking kill me. I think they might be a little bit slower than an average bear, and they seem harmless because all they do is eat bamboo.
KSI SWAG 77
A bear? It might have to be one of them short bears like a polar bear. They’re like what, seven feet tall? Never mind, I’m 6’4”, but they got me. I don’t know what I could beat. A monkey. No, a gorilla, yeah, that’s it. Wait, never mind. You know what, I’d give it a banana and while he’s distracted then I’d choke him out. Might go for a baby gorilla, but they’re strong as hell, so it’s still going to be a battle.
Umm, I was not ready for that question. I’m going to say a horse. One, I got a one-pound foot. I wear braces, so I can kick the crap out of it and knock it down. Two, if it charges, I can step to the side and punch it in the gut. If it goes to the ground, I can break its neck. I’m going to stay away from its feet and get it down to the ground. My grandpa used to own some horses, so I figured out the legs are the weak spots.
A gorilla. Hear me out. Imagine I roll up on this Silverback and I befriend this thing. I show it that I’m not a threat. I might have acid with me. It’s a 15-hour high. This is a big animal. I slip it some acid, name it Nancy, teach it how to tangle. While she trippin’, I grab a rock and hit her over the head. She might have a thick skull, but that would knock it out for the win. These things can be caring creatures, and I can trick her.
x Erbs – Retired
It depends on the size. I could kick the crap out of a newborn infant gorilla. Get smashed, little baby. Wait, I changed my answer. I’m going to fight a whale in hand-to-hand combat and when it lands in the arena, I’ll just wait it out and win. It can’t survive on land.
KSI ATH3NA 7
Maybe like an Albatross, grab it by its neck. I’ll mess that bird up. Albatrosses are huge. Their wingspan is massive. I’m going to grab that neck and slam it down when it swoops down and hope it works out. Animals are vicious. I’m an animal lover, I don’t want to fight anything. Write that down.
A sloth is relatively big, but it’s not bigger than a dog, and I know I can kick the crap out of a dog. I was going to say like a deer, but it’s really fast. Box a kangaroo? Knock that fool out? Stun lock it, maybe? I’m relatively big – I’m 6’2”, but I’m not Kangaroo big. It’s life or death.
The only thing I can think of is like a Shoebill Stork, but it will mess you up. It’s literally a dinosaur. It’s like an ostrich, but bigger. Man, I don’t know. A dog? A mountain dog would mess me up. I don’t know. This is hard. I kind of want to go aquatic and say a dolphin, but they’re slippery. But if we meet in an arena, I can jack up anything under water because it’s already half dead. How about a big sloth? I don’t know. Just kick it out of a tree and let it die.
I’m trying to think. I’m thinking of birds right now. I’d have to say an eagle. If I grabbed their legs, it’s over. Once I grab their legs, like Hulk grabbing Loki’s legs, and slam it back and forth on the floor. I might try to find a rock to slam it into. Will I get claw marks? Sure, but I think I could beat an eagle. If you’re going to get attacked by an animal of that size, you’ll have to kill it.
I’d say a small kangaroo. Like a teenager kangaroo. I feel like I could take a full-grown kangaroo actually. He tries to kick me and I grab his leg and snap it in half. Punch him in his face, knock him down, then chop his tail with my foot. He’s defenseless now. I hate this kangaroo. I’m ending him.
Impy VII – Retired
Probably nothing. I accept my fate. It’s been a good life.